Sarah’s Story*

Shortly after my 16th birthday, living somewhere between innocence and ignorance, with absolutely no memory of ever having sex, I found myself pregnant. I’ve tried finding words that could sum up a moment like that, but they just don’t exist. Yet the situation was real.

When I was 15, I had a boyfriend who was older and had graduated from high school. He tried to convince me to have sex, but I wasn’t interested. It took me 25 years to put together the pieces and realize he drugged me and raped me, taking my virginity. But at the time, I had absolutely no memory of having sex. Suddenly something felt horribly wrong with our relationship and we broke up.

A couple months later, my mom told me she had been watching the bathroom garbage for signs of my period. Finding nothing, she suspected I was pregnant. Since, due to the drugs, all memory connection to having sex was erased and only a foggy confusion remained, it didn’t even strike me that I should have remembered something so I said nothing.

My parents took control and I went into auto-pilot. They brought my urine sample to the doctor to confirm the pregnancy and got a referral to a clinic far away “in the city”.  They took me to the clinic on the day of the appointment and I was prescribed the pill. No one ever asked about circumstances of my pregnancy or asked me about my wishes in the matter.

Within a year, I had my second boyfriend. I was 16 and he again was older and out of high school. I assumed I was expected to have sex as long as I didn’t get pregnant; however, I was young and worried about the side-effects of the birth control pill. With no one to talk to, I stopped taking it without thinking of the consequences. I ended up pregnant again. This time, my boyfriend took control. Again, I allowed it, feeling stupid for getting pregnant, feeling abortion was wrong, and letting it all happen again. I believed I really didn’t have any choices. I told no one else and it was never mentioned again.

Life went on, but a sense of shame, deep worthlessness, and depression festered. I was married in my early twenties, had children, but my depression worsened. In my thirties, I gave my life to Christ. Guilt surfaced and prompted me to acknowledge what I had done and ask God for His forgiveness and I accepted it. I no longer felt guilty. I trusted God’s promise that He had forgiven me. However, I still harbored the shame and worthlessness; I never connected that to the abortions.

Thirty years later I finally told a friend about my abortions. The grace and encouragement she showed me gave me the freedom and courage to share my story more often. It was after telling my story at a women’s retreat that someone told me about Conquerors. I went through the program, motivated by the desire to help others recover, but it brought instead a much deeper healing than I expected.


About Conquerors

The Conquerors program provides support for men and women who have had at least one abortion and are struggling with the pain of that experience. The purpose of our programs is to provide a safe, non-judgmental atmosphere where one can receive support while gaining freedom from the issues their past abortions may be causing in their lives.

We are Here for You

Our hope is that every person needing help will seek and find freedom from their past abortion experiences. If you or someone you know is struggling with a past abortion decision, please let us help. We have been there and we know what it is like. All inquiries are confidential.